Words on Treachery

One day I read some touching words. I copied them to a text file, saved it, and buried it among piles of rotten .txt files. Today I opened a grave; I tried -in vain- to remember who wrote these words which looked fragile and, therefore, tempted me to paste them somewhere, which is definitely here.

She said: I search deep within the pain of your soul. I look thoroughly into the wound in your heart and try to understand whether I have a place within you… I stare at the sadness in your eyes and just wonder where I am… I force myself to believe that the feelings you have for me are working their way out under the scratched layers of your past. I convince myself that deep inside I am the tiny beam of light shinning its way through all the knives you were stabbed by before…

Through my detailed search for me in your existence I was able to catch signals from your wounded agony that were begging me to stay there next to you, to give all what I have and take what you have to offer for the time being.

I do understand the reasons for the distance you try to keep between us so that no one would eventually get hurt… I do understand that you sometimes don’t want to move on with me or with anyone else… And most times you just don’t want to be without me. And I do understand that sometimes we don’t have to search for an explanation for every sparkle we get or every door that slams shut in our faces!

However what I don’t understand is why underneath all the care you give me, all the affection I strongly sense and all the expressions of need you send from your soul through your eyes to my heart … I still cant see ME in your eyes..

What I also cant get is that through all the controlled emotions you have for me and want to shower me with, and underneath the black cloud, caused by unclean betraying hands you once held before.. When I look into your eyes searching for a meaning for what we share… I only see the pain she caused… I only see a fresh bleeding wound that is supposed to be closed long time ago… and painful enough… I only see HOW MUCH LOVE you STILL HAVE for HER…

Post Script: This style of writing is described as “stream of consciousness”; a narrative technique in which the writer expresses his thoughts without prior intentions or plans on what to say or write. Literary texts written in this style are characterized by spontaneity, jumbled ideas, disconnected sentences and thoughts, or whatever etc..

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